Silence
by chibisanzo
Summary: Which is more tiring: Talking to someone who never replies? Or listening to someone who never shuts up? Is it worth it, fighting to keep hold of the rope which is slipping by the minute? SoubiXRitsuka.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **This took a while to write, before I was really satisfied with it. Loveless -is- a confusing place for me, and even with a lot of research, some facts below might be misinterpreted on my part. Having said that, I hope you enjoy, and any feedback is greatly appreciated :)

* * *

** Part 1/2**

Even if Ritsuka lost that feeling, growing up, even if he stopped arguing and stopped saying things like "Why do you always lie to me Soubi?", even if he stopped making faces, even if he didn't reply his emails nor call him anymore, Soubi would always be there.

He was merely a shadow now, by Ritsuka's standards. He followed, and he talked, still cheerful, still normal. The only difference was that Ritsuka never turned back, nor replied.

The street they were taking now, led to Yuiko's house. Ritsuka walked like he did four years ago, shoulders hunched, hands wrapped in gloves and shoved into his pockets, and his scarf wrapped tightly around his neck, the ends flapping in the wind. His path never hesitated; his feet led themselves automatically on the tarred road. Every now and then, a car would pass them. Soubi couldn't help musing: What would the person in the driver's seat think? An earless grown man seemingly stalking a much younger, seemingly unawares innocent young lad?

Ritsuka turned left. He shivered and hunched even more into his scarf. Soubi rubbed his hands together in the wind; and followed his turning back.

He was cold too.

He talked about his art, only because there was nothing else to be shared, any longer. Ritsuka's school and private life were limited only to what Soubi knew from outside closed doors, and windows, and what little the panes allowed him to see from the street below, frosted over the cold wind.

His voice sounded a little off today. It was hard to speak out against the wind, and the distance between the two.

"We had to do portraits today," he spoke to Ritsuka's orange sweater.

"I had Kio do mine, and in return, he did mine. Mine was nicer though, obviously." It was. Kio was too busy ogling and singing praises over Soubi's portrait of Kio that he completely made a mess of the colour pallete. Soubi's hair ended up on the wrong shade of blond, and the texture much to rough to his liking.

"He liked the one I did of him." Soubi smiled. He drew his lips together, and let his mouth droop a little. Not like Ritsuka could see but still. "I would have liked to have done a portrait of you tho—" He was cut off by a loud shrill that was emanating from his Sacrifice's left pocket.

Ritsuka stopped walking. He looked down to his side, and frowned for a while. His hands were filled with several books and a camera. He set them both neatly on the road beside his feet, and stood up again. Soubi walked up to level with him, and watched him fish around his pockets. He cocked his head to one side, and poked the little shape that framed Ritsuka's trousers. "It's there, your cellphone."

There was no reaction; his face was ever blank except for the little knot that formed between his eyebrows for two seconds before they unraveled themselves again. The noise grew louder, as Ritsuka took out the phone. He answered it straight away after the first emerging ring.

"Yeah, hi, Yuiko."

"Mmm, yeah."

"Sorry, I'll be there soon. I'm just around the corner."

"uh—yeah—oh, yeah see you. Bye."

Shutting off the phone with a snap, he stuffed it in his pocket, half-snatched the items off Soubi's helping hands, and walked on.

Soubi followed. It was true; they were only just around the corner. Yuiko was probably at her balcony, peeking over the ledge, expecting to see him sauntering by below, all pink and stiff, from the cold.

Ritsuka gave her a little wave when he saw her, but couldn't really manage it since the books he was carrying took most of his hand space. He managed to wiggle two of his fingers, though. Yuiko smiled, and tiptoed. She gave a huge wave, and gestured to the inside of her apartment. She saw Soubi too, and gave him a wave. He smiled at her, nodding slightly. Then her head disappeared over the ledge, and then, he saw the sliding door shut.

He stopped at the entrance of the apartment. Climbing the stairs was off limits, as was entering Yuiko's home. He watched Ritsuka's retreating back, as he took two steps at a time up, and said quite cheerfully, "Have a good time, Ritsuka. I'll see you tomorrow."

The sight of Ritsuka's pounding sneakers, and his fading side into the second level staircase was the only thing that replied Soubi.

* * *

"You always say the same thing over and over again, but you don't mean it."

"You always lie to me."

"Stop saying that."

Ritsuka had his mouth pulled back, and a snarl etched on his features. Soubi couldn't help smiling. It was cute, this habit of his.

"Stop smiling," Ritsuka said quietly, and socked Soubi in the arm.

"Ow," he grimaced, and rubbed the spot where it didn't hurt. Ritsuka reached for Soubi's cell phone. He clicked a few buttons, and Soubi watched his expression grow darker. He shoved the screen into his face, and he had to blink at the colours blinking back at him.

Twenty missed calls.

Uh-oh.

"I'm sorry," he said automatically.

"That's not good enough."

Ritsuka stood, waiting for an explanation. Soubi decided to give one. Maybe not the most detailed of explanations, but it was an honest one. "I couldn't get to you. My phone was confiscated."

"Why?"

"I had to finish the job first."

"What job."

"An important one, which couldn't have me answer unnecessary calls."

Something flashed in Ritsuka's eyes. Soubi stared back, very much knowing where this all was going. It couldn't be helped.

"I was worried!" He threw the phone at Soubi's direction. It landed on his lap, and lay there with the cover open. "You said you will always be there, when I needed you! You're always like this, Soubi. You make promises, but you don't—"

"What did you need me for?" Ritsuka stopped, mid-rage, and flushed. He turned his head to one side. Soubi had to smile. From the corner of his eyes, the bright screen on his cell phone faded to black, reverting to power saving mode. He held out a hand to encircle Ritsuka's waist, and pulled him close, until he landed in his lap too, and until he could feel his cell phone digging into his thigh. Ritsuka squirmed in his grasp. "I—well, I couldn't do this bit of homework, and so…"

"And so?" He put his thumb and forefinger under Ritsuka's chin and turned his face, so he was facing him. Ritsuka averted his gaze. "And so… I wanted some help."

Soubi leaned in close, until their foreheads were almost touching. "What was it about?"

"Some math problems." Ritsuka answered vaguely, and demonstrated it by a rounded motion of his hand.

"I don't know anything about math."

Ritsuka scowled. "What kind of idiot doesn't know anything about math?"

Soubi released a finger, and touched the tip of Ritsuka's forehead. "This kind of idiot," he said.

"You mean me?"

"No, me."

"Oh."

There was two seconds, and then, "I don't believe you."

"Which part?"

"Huh?"

"The part about me being a math idiot, or the part about you being a math idiot?"

There was even more struggling then, as Ritsuka pushed, and tried to wrench his way out of Soubi's lap, muttering phrases like "It doesn't matter" and "I've had enough of this". Soubi laughed.

"I'm sorry, Ritsuka, if I made you angry. Would you like me to help you with your math, then?" He had both his hands cover Ritsuka's own, and trap them on the floor so Ritsuka couldn't move. Ritsuka's hands felt hot against his own. It was summer, after all.

"It's okay, I already looked up some notes and got the answers for it." He glared, and then snapped, "Let me go."

"Is that an order?" Soubi beamed.

"Yes."

He let go, and Ritsuka fell backwards from the sudden shock. Soubi caught him again, and this time, Soubi was on top of him, and his back was on the floor. He leaned in so close, until Ritsuka could no longer see Soubi's whole face, just his mouth, and his long hair that fell, and shielded everything else from view.

* * *

The walk home was lonely, but strangely, less lonely than it was trailing after Ritsuka's back. Kio sent him weird emails every ten minutes, and his phone would ring, and startle the silence and drive away the birds that were sleeping on the branches of the trees that dotted the side of the road. It was his turn to pick dinner today.

He thought of just cold beer, and sushi, but remembered that it was a Wednesday. The fish market closed every Wednesday. Best not to get a sushi meal on a Wednesday, less the fish be yesterday's catch. Kio emailed him meaty suggestions like yakitori and niku soba.

He was really hungry, huh?

He thought for a while, before deciding to pack yaki udon. The meat would make him happy, regardless of the noodles, or stock.

It took him much longer than expected. He passed a soba stand on the way but didn't stop, and finally at the supermarket near the train station on the way home. He went in to the supermarket, but only headed for the frozen section.

He paused at the sushi counter, and stared at all the sushi with yesterday's catch wrapped in them. Would it still be fresh, if the sushi didn't contain fish?

Kio would be mad, eating only egg rolled sushi, and pickled plum ones.

Soubi smiled.

Sushi it was then.

A middle aged lady passed his aisle, and gave him a small smile when she rolled her trolley past him.

Soubi blinked, and turned his attention back to the lady at the counter, who was waiting to put a price tag on the boxes. She didn't question his choices, but merely slapped the white label onto the box wordlessly and passed it back to him.

His cellphone rang again.

Kio again.

"What do you want?" He carried the box on top of the six pack, and tucked them under his arm.

He could hear Kio's pout all the way over the phone. "What's taking you so long Soubi…"

"I'm coming home soon."

"You've been following Ritsuka back again haven't you?" Kio was exasperated. "Can you stop stalking him? He doesn't like it."

The lady at the cashier counter smiled at him too, in a too-friendly way. She rang up his purchases, and he passed the exact change over to her. "I'll stop if he tells me to." The lady's hand lingered over his when she passed him the bag with his dinner in it.

"Besides," Soubi headed in the direction of the exit. "I think he likes it."

"He clearly does not. You're just making his life miserable. He has his own friends, and his own life now. Stop hanging over his life as it is."

Soubi smiled. "That's for him to say."

There was an annoyed snort at the other end of the line, and a huffy sigh. "I give up, Soubi. Just get home already. I'm hungry."

"Stop calling me so much. You're delaying me as it is." He terminated the phone call with a shut of the clamshell.

The door to his house opened, just as he pushed his key into the keyhole. The person behind it clung onto him, and clutched desperately at his plastic bags in both of his hands. "I'm almost dead," Kio wailed, and pawed at the box inside the plastic bag.

Soubi held up both his hands. "Dinner time," he said, and then, "Get off me."

His joy was short lived when he found out what Soubi had in mind when he said it was dinner time. "Cheap sushi!" He jumped back, and pointed at the innocent box with a shaking finger. "Soubi, you…"

Soubi lit up a cigarette, and took a long drag from it. "Can't have you eating stale fish. I figured, this would be fresh. Wanted to get yakittori…" He blew in the general direction that was Kio. "But then, I changed my mind, I suppose."

"Yakkitorri would have been good," Kio sniffed.

"I suppose so," Soubi agreed. He fell to the floor in one big elegant drop, and started opening the box on the small table they were around. There weren't chopsticks around so they had to use their hands.

"It's fresh though…at least." He said after scooping up one sushi and pushed the whole thing into his mouth. Kio glared at him from across the table, and his spectacles. His hair was getting really long now; it was nearly covering half his eyes. Soubi figured that he wasn't going to cut it anytime soon; he had been pushing Soubi to say that it was sexy since he commented that it was getting a bit wild.

"What have you been doing today?"

"Do I really have to answer that, Kio?"

Kio pouted. "Mou…Soubi. Ritsuka has been ignoring you for a few months now. Don't you think you should leave him alone?"

"Nope."

Kio sighed, then let his head drop back until all Soubi could see was his neck, and the Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he swallowed. "You're going to become like before," he said softly.

Soubi ignored him. He took another sushi out, and gulped it down. He could see his cell phone peeking from beside the plastic bags. There were no longer missed calls; except for the occasional harassment by Ritsu, or the Zero pair wanting to find out how Ritsuka was doing ("Ne, have you de-earred him yet, Soubi?" "We know you have, you can tell us.") but the call he was waiting for, never came.

He took his cell phone, and punched in a few lines. Nothing unusual; he did it every day. Kio hung his head back, and watched him, with something of a helpless look on his face. "Stop sending him emails," Kio urged, scowling.

Soubi smiled. Kio's words floated past him like water. He pressed the send button, and then with a few more clicks of his fingers, he turned his phone off. "Beer?" he asked, but didn't wait for a reply. He tore apart the packaging, took out a dripping can, and rolled it across the table. Kio caught it, scowling, before it hit the floor. He took out his own can, and popped it.

"It's too freaking cold to drink cold beer," Kio grumbled, but took a few swigs in one go anyway.

"Ne, Soubi," Kio said seriously, or rather, trying to, after his third can. His cheeks were flushed and his movements rather sloppy. He had moved from across the table, to resting on Soubi's back, his gaze to the ceiling. Soubi considered getting up and letting him just drop to the floor, but held back. "Why isn't Ritsuka talking to you anymore? What did you do to him?" He turned, and clutched what he could of Soubi's shirt against his back with trembling fingers. His eyes were bleary, even through the lenses of his spectacles.

"You're drunk," Soubi said calmly. He pried the can away from Kio's other hand, and set it on the table.

"Ne, tell me, Soubi…" He shimmied closer, and clutched harder. His lips trembled. "You can tell me, right?"

Soubi held back a sigh. He reached for his cell phone, and tucked it in his pocket. Then he packed the empty sushi boxes and cans of beer into the white plastic bags before nudging Kio aside. "It has nothing to do with you, Kio," he said, getting up, arms laden with trash, and therefore couldn't block Kio's slump. He let Kio lay there, sprawled and muttering cheerful phrases now, too drunk to care anymore.

Soubi went out, taking the key with him, and shut the door. Maybe it's not too late for a walk.

* * *

"Where are you going, Ritsuka?"

Ritsuka whipped around, surprised. He flushed when he saw Soubi standing there, out in the balcony in the wind.

It was another one of his sudden visits.

Soubi cocked his head to one side, and observed. There was a carefully wrapped present in Ritsuka's hands, though not very elegantly done. His hair was brushed and tamed, though some ends seemed to be sticking out. He stepped forward, and reached to try to tame the ends as well. Ritsuka let him, wincing slightly at his towering figure, and the closeness of their space. It didn't budge though, the little bits of hair.

He didn't answer Soubi. He turned away, and avoided his gaze instead. Ah, something was up.

"Where are you off to?" Innocent question, seemingly innocent enough to answer, right?

"Nowhere in particular." Ritsuka said quite confidently, and stared at Soubi, anticipating. Ah, gone were the days where he would bite his lip and stare with averted eyes. Although the slight rise in tone, and the tense posture couldn't fool anybody.

"Right, it explains the present in your hand." Soubi beamed. He sat down on Ritsuka's bed, and peered at his friend who looked like he wanted to run away.

When cornered, Ritsuka got defensive. "It's just a birthday present. For Yuiko. She's having a party." He waited for a while, staring at Soubi's nonchalant face, before blurting out the rest of his words. "You can't come, Soubi."

He raised an eyebrow. Oh, he couldn't? "Why not?"

"Because." Ritsuka edged closer to the door. His resolve was weakening; his façade of confidence crumbling away to reveal the true shade underneath. He resembled a little skittish bird, Soubi thought. A very pretty bird. "Because you're always there when Yuiko's there. You'll be hanging all over us. I hate that."

Soubi allowed a frown to rest on his face. "I don't like girls following you, Ritsuka," he said, quite truthfully. "I just want to make sure you're safe, that's all."

"I'm safer with them than with you!" Ritsuka yelled, quite haughtily, then shut up hastily. He seemed to regret what he just said. "Really," he turned his head away again. "It's not that, it's just. I have my own friends. I just want to spend time with them." He shifted his shoes right and left, and then looked hopefully over to Soubi. "Sorry," he said.

That was quite brutally honest. Still, Ritsuka always spoke his mind, decisively harsh even, when with Soubi.

He nodded, brushed his feet next to each other, and got up. Ritsuka's hand turned the doorknob, ready to bolt, should Soubi attempt to stop him. "I'll be going then." He headed for the open doors of the balcony.

"Huh?" He looked back, and saw the confused expression on Ritsuka's face.

"You said not to come." Soubi smiled, and disappeared, with the next catch of the breeze.

* * *

He was cautious where he was walking to; he steered clear of places which rang starkly of other fighters' presence, and headed for the lonely fields of grass by the power lines. He wasn't afraid of them, but rather, afraid of himself should he be confronted to fight. He was sure to make known his presence there by the fields. His territory. The smart ones would know how to steer clear, and the not so bright ones, well… Ritsuka was not there to save them either.

Lighting up a cigarette, a dot of light in a sea of darkness, he stood in the midst of the planes, and took in the wind. He wondered where Seimei was now…

And what would he think if he saw him now.

He reached into his coat pocket for the cell phone he had left there earlier.

It wasn't there. He remembered. He dropped it on the table after sending that last message to Ritsuka. With his luck, Kio had probably made a pillow out of it.

Hmm… what to do. And… where to go next?

Maybe he should pay an unwelcome visit to Ritsuka. Even though he couldn't talk to him, at least he could look at him; the sudden alertness in his eyes whenever something moved or shifted in the room, the tenderness whenever his friends were over, or called, and the scowl when his mother knocked incessantly to check up on him, so he wouldn't kill himself or something. Soubi would have gladly got rid of that woman ages ago, but Ritsuka warned him not to.

Soubi smiled at that prospect. He took the cigarette out of his mouth with two slender fingers, and glanced over at the grasses. This late out in the night…and right at the edges of winter. There shouldn't be insects about, and yet there was, a lone moth, by the edge of a blade of grass, just a few feet short of where Soubi was footed in.

With a swift throw and and a stab of his cigarette, the moth dropped, and fell into the darkness below, engulfed by the green. Ah, a pity. The moth was beautiful.

He strode off, turning his back against the moth, and the moon, and headed in the direction of Ritsuka's house.

* * *

"System activate."

Soubi's eyes hardened. "I accept," he said softly, flinging out a hand in response, ready to defend. And attack.

Ritsuka was already protesting before the match even begun. "Don't kill them, Soubi!" he yelled from behind the man. Soubi didn't answer him.

These were a new pair, people he had never seen before. But one look at them, and he knew. Ritsu-sensei had sent them. They had the same look in his eyes when he was their age, all numb and empty and hollow from the training they had received. They would kill, mercilessly, without judgement, without reason. They were dangerous.

"Ritsuka, stay back." He turned sideways, to glimpse at his Sacrifice, but before he had already turned his face, he knew that there would be a scowl on Ritsuka's face.

"I'm not doing that." Ritsuka was firm, and angry.

There wasn't time for banter; the other pair had already begun. The Fighter, a very handsome man, had a devious look in his eyes. He took a step forward, and yelled, "With all that you have dreamt, and suffered in your dreams, I will make them alive now!"

When he finished the sentence, and before the sinking feeling in Soubi's gut stopped resonating, he already knew. His eyes were closed, and he already knew. The countless nightmares he had, the endless cycle of Seimei taunting him, laughing at him from hell, the desperate dream of Seimei dying… More than that, even more than the anguish he was about to drown in, Soubi realized another nightmare was about to come true. Ritsuka was going to see his dreams.

Ritsuka will find out.

"Ritsuka, no!"

He wrenched open his eyes, and whirled around, only to see Ritsuka on the floor, propped up by his elbows, and a sheer expression of terror on his face. His mouth opened and closed, but no sound came out, only the shape of the words.

Sei-mei.

Seimei was laughing cruelly at another Soubi by the edges of the swings. They were in a playground. Soubi was kneeled in front of him, his head hung, and his hair shielding his eyes.

"You will do what I tell you to," he said coldly, brushing back two strands of blond hair behind Soubi's ear.

Soubi nodded. The hair fell back, delicate strands falling into place beside his cheek.

The real Soubi watched, horror struck, and for the first time in his life, he was scared. For Ritsuka.

"Ritsuka, close your eyes." He knelt down by Ritsuka, and reached for his waist. Ritsuka backed away, eyes never leaving the images. There was a rustling sound as his sneakers scraped against the grass. Soubi's fingers reached and grasped cool air as he missed Ritsuka's shirt by more than a few inches.

"You will love Ritsuka. This is an order. When I am gone, you will still be bound to me."

"You will be tormented by my death. You will never be free."

Seimei pulled back Soubi's hair, and there was a pause, a slow smile, and then he yanked. Still, no protest nor a hint of any pain Soubi was feeling could be heard. Soubi remembered the pain though. He could feel it in his roots while they were yanked. Though he never cried out, he remembered the sickening pleasure he felt. He loved pain, Ritsu-sensei drilled it countless times into him.

"Seimei." A pleading cry.

"Ritsuka, it's a dream. My dream. He isn't real." Soubi said softly, an edge he didn't want creeping into his voice.

He could win this if he wanted to. He was a master of his craft; a perfect manipulator of words. Only he wasn't sure if he could handle the consequences of what he was capable of doing. Oh, the pair was smug now, but they wouldn't be. Not with what Soubi had in store.

Ritsu-sensei had reached his peak with Soubi. There was no one else who could match his craft before; and there would be none after. Even with this pair, there were flaws. Soubi was trained to withstand the harshest and severest pain imaginable, and relish in it. It was the strongest form of power imaginable, and he knew it. They couldn't hurt him, not when he was enjoying what they were doing to him.

"Ritsuka," he said again, turning to his Sacrifice, now with a chain collar bound to his neck. "Don't look."

He smiled pleasantly at the pair who were grinning arrogantly minutes before, and held out a hand, his fingers splayed out against the night sky. " You've made my dreams real, but now, I will make them truly alive."

By the swing, Seimei had let go of Soubi's hair. The both of them stood up, and turned their gazes towards the pair. Soubi continued, his voice growing louder and louder by the second. " I'll attack now," he said. He then stepped aside, and strode over to Ritsuka.

Seimei spoke. "Kill them, Soubi." And his substitute nodded. "Yes, master."

Soubi knelt down behind Ritsuka, and covered his eyes. "Ritsuka. Please. Don't look." The chains were still there, but they wouldn't be, for long. He watched as his other self took off the bandages that were around his neck and had Beloved's name carved in the flesh. He watched Seimei laugh. He could feel, the butterfly of Ritsuka's lashes against his palm.

His substitute's attack had double the impact, because his Sacrifice was Seimei. Soubi was strong when with Ritsuka, but when he was paired with Seimei, he was fearsome. It won't be long, before the other pair died. Just another day, just a routine battle for the both of them, Soubi and Seimei.

His hands grew damp, from covering Ritsuka's eyes. Trails of wetness peeked through the crack of his fingers, and slid down his the back of his hands. Ritsuka's sobs were muffled by the more intense sounds of the battle that was raging just before them.

The pair had just launched another offensive, and this time, the target was Ritsuka. Suddenly just a few feet beyond where they were standing, a duplicate of Soubi and Ritsuka popped out. It was kind of strange, seeing two other Soubis at once. It made the hair on the back of his neck stand straight out.

The other Ritsuka was younger, back when he was fourteen. And the scene was familiar too; Soubi had a sense of déjà vu, when Ritsuka asked painfully, "What if Seimei asked you to kill me? Would you do it?"

"I would," came the answer. And then Ritsuka had pulled away from Soubi's grip, and turned to run.

"I knew it. I knew…"

The scene disappeared into a thousand butterflies as Seimei's Soubi aimed a defensive spell at them. With a couple more magic words, the butterflies evolved into deadly screeching crows, and zoomed straight for the Sacrifice and her Fighter.

There was barely time to scream before the thousand black birds engulfed them both, their shrieks lost in the birds' own frenzied cries. It was like being a witness of a massacre; it was as if a pack of vultures had suddenly descended upon a piece of rotten meat and fought themselves to death over it.

The chain suddenly freed itself from Ritsuka's neck, dissolving into nothingness. Soubi knew what had happened. The pair…

..was dead.

His duplicate was walking over to Seimei now, and held out a hand to touch the lone bruise on his neck. Seimei's gaze hardened, as he whacked Soubi's hand away.

"Does it hurt?" It was a solemn question, and yet, there was a mournful ring to it.

"Of course it does. You are supposed to protect me," Seimei snapped.

Soubi held out a hand, untangling himself from Ritsuka's limbs. He'd had enough. He closed his eyes and muttered the words needed to return the pair to where they belong; in his nightmares.

Ten seconds later, and all was quiet, save for the cold autumn wind that whipped around the park they were in. The other pair lay slumped, devoid of any sign of life, a few feet away from them.

"Ritsuka, let's go home." He held out a hand, and waited for Ritsuka to take it. He waited for the feel of Ristuka's soft hands on his.

_…not like seimei…don't leave… _

Ritsuka slapped his hand away. His eyes held a scared look to them; one that was never shown to Soubi before. Distrust maybe, apprehension sometimes, but never fear. Then, they hardened, and Soubi was struck with a flashback of Seimei looking at him the same way. Countless times.

"Seimei's not like that."

"It's a dream, Ritsuka. It isn't real." He rubbed absent-mindedly at the spot where Ritsuka had smacked him. It was painful; though Ritsuka hadn't hurt him physically at all.

"Then why did you dream it!" Ritsuka choked. He pulled himself up on his knees and stared, dumbfounded, at the dead bodies.

"Why are you like this, Soubi? Why did you make Seimei like this? He was never cruel; he was kind, always kind to me!"

Soubi pushed past the words. Words were words. If you didn't let them affect you, they would stay just that; words. Ah, the irony for him to think like that.

"I'm sorry, Ritsuka," he said simply. "I won't dream it again."

Ritsuka was mad. He had his fists balled up by the side of his legs, and his eyes were squeezed shut. His cat ears were flat against his head, almost unseen in the tumble of hair that has sprouted and framed his matured face. Still a boy though. Not like the harsh handsome man that Seimei grew up to be. Ritsuka was softer at the edges, but it didn't mean that his mannerisms were different. A lot of them were uncannily alike to Seimei.

"I'm not twelve anymore, Soubi. Don't say things like this. Don't lie anymore."

"Ritsuka…" He could feel it now; the feeling of wanting to grab hold to something that wanted to run away from him. When had Ritsuka grown so difficult to soothe, to calm, to assure?

"I don't ever want to talk to you again." The words weren't uttered with harsh, shrill tones. They were deadly calm, again, a much more common tone with Ritsuka nowadays.

Then he got up slowly, brushed away lint off his shirt and the back of his trousers, and walked away, his tail drooping, off the grounds of the park.

* * *

If Soubi were to take Ritsuka's words literally, which was what he did, there was a loophole. Ritsuka said he didn't want to speak to Soubi but it didn't mean Soubi could not talk to him. He had not given his order for Soubi to leave him alone, so Soubi could still stalk him, to put it in Kio's words of choice.

Ritsuka was kind at heart, and Soubi knew that. That, he was different from Seimei. Seimei's had been of stone, and ice. Ritsuka's was of flesh. He was softer, and pure, and slightly torny, but nevertheless, he had a kind heart. It wouldn't take long for him to cave, and they will return to normal, just like they had.

In that, Soubi had seriously miscalculated.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**A/n:** The formatting was a little wonky, and ffdotnet didn't let me upload any new chapters to replace the wonky one so it had to wait. Anyhoo, I'm really proud of how this turned out. I hope you guys liked it too.

**Part 2/2 **

* * *

The sliding doors of the balcony to Ritsuka's room were shut, as if to drive out the biting wind. Soubi knew though, through all his experiences, that Ritsuka would still be cold despite the attempted trappings of heat. He expected Ritsuka to be at his computer; it was where he spent most of his time when at home. He ignored the little voice in his head that said the window had been shut ever since that night.

What he didn't expect was a silhouette of another person. Much too short to be Ritsuka; and much too curvy. But, much too flat to be Yuiko altogether, he observed a little snidely. It was another girl, an unknown to Soubi.

He should know who it was- he knew all Ritsuka's friends. He had befriended all of them too, and knew each name by heart. Ritsuka's little collection of friends had grown from two to about five hundred. Soubi figured there was only so much resistance one could have against a cute, still cat-eared, sixteen year old.

What could the girl possibly be doing in his Ritsuka's room? Given the circumstances, and the still very unstable mental-state of his mother, no one was ever allowed to visit Ritsuka at his house. He went to their houses, they stayed away from his. Soubi had the freedom of the sliding doors.

His lip curled a little at the thought of someone else touching Ritsuka where previously, only he had the access. Ritsuka's room was as familiar to him as his own house, and he didn't appreciate the fact that someone else might be trampling all over his territory.

Fine, Ritsuka's territory.

Then, just as he was about to go up to the balcony to see just who this person was, another silhouette came into view.

He recognized the fellow as Yayoi, from the way his ears twitched every three seconds, and the animated hands. The furious pumping of his heart slowed down to its normal, calm state. Probably a late-night discussion for a project or something. Soubi also assumed that Mrs. Aoyagi wasn't home; Ritsuka wouldn't have risked his friends in the house if she was.

Now relieved that Ritsuka was safe and sound in the comfort of his own room and his friends, Soubi turned to leave.

He felt a little pang in his heart, when from the corner of his eyes, Ritsuka appeared visible on the sliding door. He had pushed apart the curtains to look out. Soubi ducked behind a bush, just in case, but Ritsuka didn't seem to notice. A lingering glance or two later, he disappeared behind the curtains, leaving them to swish to a stop. There was a foggy mark on the glass pane where his breath had left it.

It seemed years ago since Soubi had been there, though it was probably only a month and a half.

_I still need you… even though you don't._

Soubi picked a dry leaf off of his coat, and with a flick of the wrist turned it into a snowflake.

Perhaps Ritsuka had felt him, which was why he looked out the doors. Their bond, which was unbreakable only a few months ago, was now fading. Ritsuka could call him, and Soubi could feel it instantly, but now, it was a miracle that he still managed a few faint wisps of Ritsuka's presence whenever he tried to communicate to him. It would not bode well to either of them, should danger occur. If the other Fighters knew of this, that the bond between Loveless and Beloved was unraveling, it wouldn't take long for them to show up and issue a challenge. Soubi wouldn't mind, but the thought of Ritsuka facing them on his own was enough to shake him.

It was part of the reason why he couldn't leave Ritsuka alone.

The other part… well… Soubi only smiled darkly to himself.

* * *

The cell phone rang, a default tone that Soubi set to everyone else that was in the phone contacts that wasn't Ritsuka's. He glanced at the screen, and answered the call without bothering to say hello. 

"What do you want?" he asked, every bone in his body heightened to awareness.

"It's been so long, Soubi, and not even a hello?" The silky smooth voice of Ritsu-sensei cut through him like glass.

"That was my version of hello."

"Ah, I was wondering what you thought about the present I sent you."

"You mean the pair? I dealt with them. They're dead. I'm surprised sensei, you're certainly better than that." He pushed back his sleeves to look at his watch. This was usually the time when Ritsuka came out from his house to go to school.

"Did Loveless and you kill them? Or did you and Beloved?"

"Does it matter?" He looked at the door. It looked back at him with silent animosity. Any time now, Ritsuka would be trudging out of the door, with sleep-induced mutterings, and half-hearted paces.

"It would serve as most important as to whether or not I've achieved my purpose, Soubi."

"Your purpose? Your mission failed."

He must have overslept. Smiling, Soubi went up to Ritsuka's balcony and peeked through the glass. The bed was empty, and neatly made. There was no sign of Ritsuka.

"Ah, but it didn't, Soubi. You see, I trained the pair to be so good, that they can only be defeated by Beloved. Not one half, but two halves of a whole. And now you're telling me that they're dead. It is good news indeed." The laugh at the end of the sentence was cheerful, almost jubilant.

"You sent a pair to be killed by Seimei and I? What is that, some kind of experiment?" He frowned, more concerned about where Ritsuka went. Surely he couldn't have taken his words he said the night before seriously?

"It seems that young Aoyagi-kun has thrown you away, isn't it? Ah, to be discarded by _choice_ by his own Sacrifice, Soubi, I feel for you. Whoever has heard about a Fighter being abandoned by not one, but two Sacrifices?"

"I still don't see how that fulfills your mission. We've won the battle, sensei."

"Oh, but I've gotten the prize. Aoyagi-kun doesn't trust you anymore, my dear Beloved, and a severed bond between a Fighter and his Sacrifice is what I have achieved."

Back on the front porch of Ritsuka's house, Soubi sat himself on the front steps and and talked into his phone. "I'm really sorry," he said pleasantly. "I have to make a really important call. We can chat later tonight, sensei, if you haven't slept yet. Meanwhile, if you'd like to collect your toys, they are lying by the swings in the park by the river."

"Goodbye, Soubi," the other voice said just as pleasantly. "By the way, I was just thinking, Loveless seems for apt for you, don't you think? Instead of Beloved."

Soubi ended the phone call.

He dialed Ritsuka's but it forwarded to his voice mail. Worried, he set off to Ritsuka's school.

* * *

It was getting tiring, talking to someone who never replied. 

Is it just as tiring, listening to someone who never shut up?

Soubi was silent today. A cigarette dangling off his mouth, he walked alongside Ritsuka, who was engrossed with his camera.

Lots of pictures taken the day before, it seemed. Ritsuka's picture board and refrigerator should be almost full by now. Maybe Soubi's pictures were taken down, to make space for his other friends.

Ritsuka coughed slightly beside him. He glanced at Soubi's cigarettes before looking away. Ah. Yes. Ritsuka hated them.

He'd forgotten. "Sorry," he apologized, before taking the stick and threw it into the nearest trash can he saw.

Ritsuka just coughed again, and returned to his camera.

There were many questions and cheerful tales on the tip of his tongue. Did Ritsuka have fun the night before? Who was there? Kio pecked Soubi on the cheek in his drunkenness and decided to dance before Soubi threw him out of his apartment. Well, only for two minutes. Then he took him in again and tucked him into bed.

He was beginning to think that maybe it wasn't worth it because it seemed that everything he said bounced off Ritsuka, like he wasn't there.

He'd rather he give him orders and control him than ignore him like that.

_Soubi_………

Soubi was startled. He didn't let it show on his face, but every sense in his body pricked.

What was it?

He knew this person's aura.

He glanced at Ritsuka walking slowly beside him, engrossed in his camera. He didn't feel anything. There was a little smile on his lips, as he scrolled the buttons and viewed all the pictures he'd probably taken the night before.

Couldn't be. Just another memory of what his aura felt like.

Soubi would definitely know if he was there.

Still, he was sure he felt something.

"I felt something," he said, breaking the silence.

If it was another pair of fighters, it would be their first fight since Ritsuka officially decided to ignore his presence.

Without waiting to see whether Ritsuka would react, Soubi instantly darted to his right, an alley amidst the rows and rows of houses. "Go on to school. Should be nothing."

_Wait, Soubi, where are you going?! I'm coming too!_

* * *

The feeling was so much stronger here, and even more familiar. 

Zero? Yohji and Natsuo?

Couldn't be.

Frowning, Soubi pursued, his instincts leading the way.

There was nobody in the alley, so he ran in the middle, feeling the blood roaring in his veins, and liking the feel of the wind.

His heart seemed to pump faster and faster each step he took. His body knew this aura very very well, though it's been years. He still knew it, like how he knew the expression on Ritsuka's face every time he got mad.

He reached the park and stopped. It was quiet at this time of day. The top of the slides and the swings were laden with snow, like no one had sat in there for ages. He stopped in his tracks, his feet having made fresh imprints in the snow, as if tainting it.

It was too quiet.

"Seimei," he spoke out.

It was as if the noise broke out all at once right after. All at once, he couldn't breathe. The aura was overwhelming him, his head was filled with past memories and his vision a vast canvas of white.

He shook away the blurry vision and looked at the emerging figure in front of him.

"Long time no see," Seimei said easily.

His god.

He looked as good as ever. Devastatingly good. Like the sharp edge of a knife, and the smoothness of polished steel. Dangerous.

"Have you been protecting Ritsuka like I told you to?" He walked, closer and closer, and yet, Soubi thought, he was _so far away._

"Yes."

"Good."

Now, Seimei frowned, and Soubi thought, it looked better on him than when he'd smiled. A more honest expression. "Now, Soubi, we fight."

Eh?

The wide-eyed expression on his face must have amused Seimei because his frown changed again easily into laugher.

"We fight, Soubi. I have a new fighter, didn't you know?"

He didn't. He had not noticed the other figure standing behind Seimei, as if enveloping him. His stomach twisted at that sight.

Seimei held out a hand, his eyes flashing. "System initiate."

"Fight me, Soubi! It's an order!" His face glowed with an eerie light which had nothing to do with the sun's effect. There was an animalistic glare in his eyes, and his lips were etched in a snarl that Soubi knew all too well.

Even so… even if it's an order…he…

"I've waited so long." Seimei circled Soubi, one slow footstep after the other, like a lion about to devour its prey. His stare bore daggers into Soubi's back, and sent chills up his spine. "They say we're the strongest pair around, you and I."

An arrogant laugh. "But who is the stronger of the two?" Seimei asked in an almost teasing tone.

He would not fight against Seimei. Seimei was his everything. His God. He would not hurt him. He gritted his teeth, as Seimei continued taunting him, stopping short of actually touching him. He was so close though –so very close- that Soubi almost reached out if only to just touch his cheek. The wind blew from behind, and whipped his long hair around his face.

Seimei's hair remained cool, and unmoving to the weather.

Soubi's heart beat only to one thought; one singular word.

Ritsuka, Ritsuka, Ritsuka, it echoed.

When had the duty of fulfilling Seimei's wish to love Ritsuka shed its shackles and become an embodiment of his own free will? He hadn't noticed. He hadn't thought he would be capable of that- to be able to love someone, without orders, without boundaries.

"Having fun while I was gone, weren't you?" Seimei's voice was soft, and dangerous.

His fighter stood just beyond the edge of their circle Seimei had made, silent and waiting for further instructions. Soubi thought his face looked just like him, expressionless, cold… and dead.

He stared at the person with a surge of hatred. Disgusting, absolutely despicable. He wanted so much to scar that person's perfect face, if only to look for a sign that he was alive. His own face was calm; he didn't let any of his emotions show on his features.

"Fight me," Seimei said once more, slowly. His eyes hardened. There was a cold fire in them, blazing blue and bright.

_Always, always protect your Sacrifice_

Does it still apply if the Sacrifice has found himself another fighter?

Does it matter if Ritsuka found his bonded fighter?

Soubi smiled to himself. He knew the answer before he even questioned himself.

"Do you need your Sacrifice here to fight?" Seimei emphasized the word 'your'. When Soubi flinched, he smiled. "Is that it? Shall we call him? I'm getting bored already, Soubi."

No, Ritsuka cannot see Seimei like this. It would shatter his heart.

Even if he had to lose, Ritsuka must never see.

"What if I told you that your duty is complete?" Seimei asked casually, taking one step forward so he was now only a few inches away. Soubi could feel his breath on his face, warm and inviting in the cold winter air. An illusion, he thought.

"What would you do?" He reached out and fingered Soubi's hair.

Soubi froze. He hadn't thought of that.

"I'm giving you a choice. You never had one. Now you do." There was no need to explain any further.

If Soubi refused to return, then they fight. He had no doubt Seimei had his means of letting Ritsuka know of his presence regardless of not whether Soubi wanted to fight alone. But if he returned to Seimei, than Ritsuka would never need to know. Soubi was certain he did not want Ritsuka to fight against Seimei. He already succeeded in planting a faint picture of the Seimei Ritsuka never got to see in his mind. In many ways, regardless of just what kind of a person Seimei truly was, he wanted him to remain the loving, kind, and gentle brother that Ritsuka knew and loved.

No matter the price.

"You are Beloved. Ritsuka is Loveless. It was never meant to be," Seimei sighed. He placed his hands on Soubi's neck. For a split second, he imagined Seimei tightening his grip as his eyes hardened into flint, but his fingers were the softest feather of a touch as he traced the scar that was engraved into his flesh underneath the bandages. Pain and a torment Soubi had ceased to remember returned under the pads of Seimei's fingers.

He knew that the scar was beginning to bleed.

Beloved. Shouldn't it be the other way around? Ritsuka was Beloved.

Would it be better if he returned to Seimei? Certainly, it wasn't a prospect he had looked forward to, but for the betterment of Ritsuka's well-being, perhaps it would be the right thing to do. Between a choice of Ritsuka's feelings, and Ritsuka's inherent survival, Soubi knew it wasn't a difficult decision to make. Ritsuka's feelings were void by now though, he mused a little bitterly. It shouldn't matter.

And yet, it did. Ritsuka's very fears, his doubts and all his insecurities about Soubi would come true if he went back to Seimei. It would not be something Soubi was so desperate and determined to prove Ritsuka wrong any longer.

Already, the bond between them was left to a single thread of hope; even then, it was wavering, the lingering resentment in Ritsuka fraying the string day by day. Soubi wasn't sure if he was ready to completely snap it into two.

"A shame," Seimei sneered. He cupped Soubi's chin and tilted it so he was forced to stare into Seimei's eyes. "Ritsuka never believed in you."

"I know that," Soubi said quietly. A mistake. The grip hardened. Seimei's fingers were pressed tightly against his jaw. He was sure it would leave red welts later. The sneer quickly turned into a charming smile. Soubi hated it. It made his stomach churn to see such a dishonest expression. Fakeness.,

Perhaps it was spending four years with a boy who let his expression be read with a single frown, or a tiny quirk or a slight twitch in his eye; perhaps it was that he didn't use to mind or notice when people displayed such hypocritical expressions and now he did, whatever it was, Soubi wanted to wipe off that smile and replace it with a frown that fit Seimei better.

Seimei pressed their lips together. It was cold, colder than the snow that had begun to cease falling.

"I order you to stop loving Ritsuka." The words came down like a blade, and the bond between Loveless and Beloved were lost in that instant.

The silence that descended upon them was so loud that Soubi had to close his eyes to regain his ground. In his heart was a gaping chasm where the link to Ritsuka once was.

They were finished. The bond was broken.

It was over.

He hung his head. "Yes master." The voice did not seem like his own; cold, and emotionless.

When he lifted his head, and pushed the hair away from his forehead, all that was left was an empty playground. The snow was gone, the once grassy ground a barren brown, the swings unmoving, and the blackened branches unwavering.

His scar kept bleeding.

* * *

………..

Except…

Soubi whipped around as a barrage of fists rammed into his belly, pushing him back onto the ground.

He looked up in astonishment at Ritsuka standing before him, hair in his eyes, stuck to his face, beads of sweat running down the side of his cheek, and his shoulders heaving up and down in need of air. But what utterly devastated Soubi was the look of complete misery and betrayal on his face.

"It's over," Ritsuka said softly, composed and calm. "Just like I said it would happen, and just like…" his voice cracked at this point and his face fell. "Just like you wanted."

Soubi couldn't stand it then, when the words were out of his mouth. One hand on the gravel to support himself, he reached out for Ritsuka with his other arm and pulled him down with a fierceness he didn't know he had. Ritsuka cried then, sobbing and muttering unintelligible words into the crook of his arm.

'I'm sorry' was something he said when he had let Ritsuka down for the fiftieth time. It was something he said when he didn't pick Ritsuka up from his school like he said he would. It was something he said when he accidentally purposely dropped by Ritsuka's house in the dead of the night. It wasn't something he could say then. It was too big, and too important.

They lay there, sprawled on the ground for a long time. Ritsuka's sobs had died down by then, quivering into occasional sniffs. Soubi realized with a slight amazement that Ritsuka was actually pretty heavy. And lanky too. He had reached Soubi's shoulders in height. With a slight smile, Soubi thought Ritsuka fit his body better. The way all his boyish knobs and curves seemed to be in sync with Soubi's own was endearing. He hadn't dared to hug him ever since Ritsuka declared that Soubi was embarrassing him.

Kio's words came into mind. _Don't be a pervert, Soubi!_

Ritsuka finally sat up; arranging himself awkwardly all over Soubi's body so he wouldn't rest his weight on one singular place. He rested his palms on Soubi's stomach, and leaned close – Soubi realized there was a faint blush on his cheeks – to whisper a little shakily, "I'm sorr-"

Soubi sat up then, not wanting Ritsuka to finish that sentence. He silenced him with a finger on his lips, and bent so that their foreheads touched. "You are my most precious family," he said softly.

Ritsuka's eyes welled up in that instant, and he opened his mouth to say something else, but Soubi closed them with a soft kiss, sucking slowly and gently on his lower lip before making his way into his mouth. He felt that surely, this time, Ritsuka wouldn't protest.

He didn't.

The walk back home was heartwarming, filled with Ritsuka's easy laughter and noisy chatter. The one and a half months of solitude were quickly filled up as Ritsuka babbled merrily about his school, and the party he held in his room the day his mother was out of town. It was honestly fun, Risuka said earnestly, it was his first room-party ever.

They bumped shoulders every few steps, and Ritsuka's hand was locked with Soubi's own.

He didn't talk about Seimei.

Soubi wasn't sure if Ritsuka saw, or whether Seimei was real. The powerful aura he felt was as real as night, that he was certain, but whether it was evoked due to old memories or something else, he wasn't so sure. If it wasn't real, then was Seimei an illusion? Perhaps someone created it to break the bond between him and Ritsuka? If so, it had backfired horribly. The bond was stronger than ever now, an anchor of love deep inside his heart.

As they walked along the street, a single butterfly fluttered past Soubi. A beautiful viceroy, a clever mimicry of the monarch butterfly.

An old order passed into his mind.

"_I order you to love Ritsuka."_

Soubi smiled.

"_Yes, master."_

"So, Ritsuka," Soubi turned to Ritsuka, who was in the midst of grumbling about his latest math homework. He turned and waited expectantly. "Perhaps it's time we talk about those cat-ears of yours."

Ritsuka turned pink. His tail twitched.


End file.
